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  • Writer's pictureMa qualité de vie

Do you have emotionally healthy relationships? 8 signs you don't

Updated: Sep 21

Emotional well-being is an important part of a successful relationship. When you and the other person are emotionally healthy, it is possible to have a fulfilling and happy relationship together, despite the ups and downs. But when there is much more emotional turmoil than happiness in the relationships we form with others, a rethink is in order.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

This is an opportunity to take stock of your emotional well-being in the context of your relationships (e.g. partner, children, parents, friends, work colleagues). If you see yourself in some of the situations presented here, you should consider working on yourself to break out of your unhealthy emotional patterns. Or you may be seeing these behaviours in people you are in a relationship with. In this case, consider these signs as alerts and take steps to ensure that the other person's emotional discomfort does not interfere with your emotional health.

In looking at the topic of emotionally healthy relationships to write this post, I myself took the opportunity to analyze my own relationships and assess my emotional maturity. I'm glad to know that I'm emotionally balanced! I hope this sheds some light on managing emotions in your relationships, as I have. So here are 8 signs (which I've picked out because there are others) that you might be in an emotionally unhealthy relationship.

1. Poor emotional health

You are emotionally healthy if you manage your positive and negative emotions well. You identify and understand them. In fact, you pay attention to your emotional state and you are able to find a balance in your emotions. If your relationships are often unstable, strained, difficult and you find it hard to connect with emotionally healthy people, it is likely that you lack emotional stability yourself. In this case, you will have to work on your emotional well-being and develop your emotional intelligence. If you want to know more about emotional intelligence, I talk about it in this post: 3 things to know about the intelligence of the heart for successful and meaningful relationships.

2. Lack of self-awareness

You don't recognize and understand the emotions you feel. You don't try to find what causes them. You don't admit your mistakes, so you don't apologize and you don't learn from them, which leads you to keep making them. You don't feel responsible for what you may cause the other person. You are looking for attention to make you feel whole and worthwhile. There is a self-esteem problem here and this problem leads you to have low standards that make you accept situations that should not be tolerated. You also don't have clear boundaries about what is acceptable to you in the relationship and when it is not acceptable any more.

3. Failure to listen

L'absence d'écoute peut être dû au fait que tu ne prêtes pas attention à ce que l'autre dit, par ce que tu es distrait ou parce que tu n'es pas intéressé par ce que l'autre partage. Ça peut aussi être causé par le fait de parler au lieu d'écouter, alors que l'autre a simplement besoin d'être entendu et de se sentir compris.

4. No empathy or compassion

You have little concern for the other person's emotional well-being. In other words, you don't really care about the difficulties the other person may be experiencing, you remain distant and avoidant. You are not attentive to the other person's emotions. Because of this, you find it difficult to connect emotionally with that person, which keeps your relationship on a superficial level. You are in fact detached and this prevents you from creating deep connections with the other person.

5. Closure to personal growth

Self-improvement is a component of healthy and successful relationships. People who develop are aware of their qualities, but also of their flaws. They are open to learning from their mistakes and receiving constructive criticism because they want to become better people. They are willing to fix their mistakes and save a relationship they care about or end it when necessary. If, on the contrary, you are someone who blames or humiliates the other person instead of analyzing the situation, seeing to what extent you have contributed to the problem and finally acknowledging your wrongdoing in order to address it, you are emotionally immature and, obviously, this negatively affects your relationships.

6. Poor communication

There is a communication problem if you assume that the other person knows your wants and needs without you making them clear, or if you take certain things for granted without discussing them to see if you are on the same page or at least to find out what the other person thinks or feels. This creates frustration and unnecessary tension that could have been avoided by taking the time to talk with kindness and honesty.

7. Lack of concern for others

If you don't create a safe environment in the relationship where the other person feels supported, respected, valued, trusted and comfortable opening up to you to share their anxieties or other feelings, it is difficult to create intimacy. In a relationship, it is important to be attentive to the other person, to show kindness, to allow them to be vulnerable and to make sure that this attention is mutual.

8. Impulsive reaction to disagreement

In conflict situations, you let your frustration, anger or irritability get the better of you, and things can easily escalate and make the relationship worse. It is easy in this context to fall into personal attacks and point out the other person's faults instead of facing the real problem and finding a solution together. You react to the situation on the spot rather than taking the time to calm down and respond appropriately. This means that you lose your self-control and, at the same time, you lose sight of what is important: maintaining a positive and loving relationship.

It is understood that for the relationship to be emotionally healthy, reciprocity is necessary. The work is to be done by both people involved in the relationship and it is important that they can grow together.

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(Ma qualité de vie means My quality of life in French.)


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