Love is the stuff of dreams. Who hasn't tried to find love? Who hasn't wanted to live a beautiful love story? Love is an adventure as beautiful as it is complex. Yet certain limiting or illusory beliefs can get in the way of our quest for happiness in love. And why is that? Because they're deceptive, and can keep us away from a satisfying, fulfilling relationship. So, do we too often confuse romance with the reality of a loving relationship? (Part 1)
On an episode of my podcast Ma qualité de vie (in French only), I interviewed love intelligence coach Amandine Donzé. She shared ten common myths that can affect a couple's relationship. In the course of our conversation, she deconstructed these myths one by one to give us the straight goods. In the first part of the interview, she tackles five myths. Here's a summary.
1. Meeting someone is difficult
Many people think it's hard to find love. But this belief is based on a number of factors: routine, lack of initiative and apprehension about new things. If you stick to your daily routine, it's true that opportunities to meet someone are rare.
One solution is to change your habits. Taking part in social activities, exploring different circles or registering on dating platforms can all open up opportunities. It's not a question of luck, but of effort. To break this belief, you need to be open to new encounters and proactive.
2. You need self-confidence to seduce
We often think that without self-confidence, it's impossible to attract someone. However, confidence is not a prerequisite, but rather a state that is built up over time. A person who expresses his or her doubts sincerely can appear far more touching than one who displays a forced self-assurance.
Showing vulnerability can create an authentic connection. Honestly revealing yourself, sharing your fears and being yourself can create a deep bond. Trust develops through experience and interaction.
3. A bad first date is a bad sign
The myth of “love at first sight” leads us to believe that everything has to be perfect from the moment we meet. But a first date can be tinged with stress, awkwardness and hesitation. But that doesn't mean the relationship isn't worth exploring.
Rather than judging too quickly, it's often better to give it a second or third chance. First impressions don't always reflect a person's true nature. A connection can take time to build.
4. Birds of a feather
We often hear that lasting couples are made up of similar people. But in reality, it's not so much similarity that unites a couple, but the compatibility of their fundamental values.
We are attracted by difference, which brings richness and balance to the relationship. However, certain commonalities remain essential, such as life vision, long-term projects and core values. The ideal is to strike a balance between similarity and complementarity.
5. Breaking up is a failure
When a relationship ends, it's natural to feel pain and sometimes guilt. Many people see a break-up as a failure, but it's first and foremost a stage in life. It allows us to learn lessons and better understand what we really want from a relationship.
Rather than beating yourself up about it, it's better to see it as a learning experience. Forgiving yourself, analyzing what went wrong and moving forward with this new knowledge allows you to grow and be better prepared for the future.
Conclusion
These limiting beliefs often condition us without our being aware of it. By deconstructing them, we open ourselves up to wider, more enriching possibilities, and thus to the potential for fulfillment in love. Love is a journey of experience, learning and adaptation. By abandoning these myths, we give ourselves the best possible chance of living in sincere, fulfilling relationships.
Discover the 5 other myths in Part 2 of the interview: Do our beliefs about love keep us deluded? 5 myths you should know about.
The myth of the soul mate
Love is obvious and fluid
Love must be fusional
True love lasts forever
I'm the one who's going to make him/her change
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(Ma qualité de vie means My quality of life in French.)
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Okay… I’m going to be honest here that I’m having problem with no. 1,2 & 3 when it comes to finding love. Meeting someone is never easy for me. It’s not that I did not make an effort. It’s just that most of the guys I met did not make my soul glow. No.2, I’m not the type of girl who likes to show my vulnerable side to people. I can only be vulnerable to those who already know me for a long time. No.3, I don’t want to waste my energy on guys who make me feel uncomfortable during the first meeting. I’m an empath and a sensitive girl. However, I do believe that not finding love yet is…
I am looking forward to hearing the next article because I have heard a lot of people say that love can change them.
Although it's been a while since I sought a date, my lack of confidence in talking to new people was a major hurdle. You can't really get to know new people or ask them out if you're unable to talk to them in the first place, and you can't always rely on Dutch courage