Love, an inescapable subject in human relationships, is surrounded by many beliefs and myths. These are often preconceived ideas that have seeped into our minds through fairy tales in childhood, romantic films later in life, but also society in general, which glorifies the ideal couple relationship. Just think of social media, where influencers present an unreal image of life as a couple. These beliefs can shape our vision of love and our behaviour in relationships. So the question arises: do we have an illusory vision of love? (Part 2)
I've invited Amandine Donzé, an expert in love relationships, to join me on my podcast (in french only) and explore 10 of the most common myths about love. Each myth is deconstructed to encourage a vision and expectations of love more in tune with the reality of relationships.
In the first part of the interview, a summary of which you can read on the blog, we discussed the following 5 myths:
Meeting someone is difficult
You need self-confidence to seduce
A bad first date is a bad sign
Like attracts like or opposites attract
Separation is a failure
In this second part of the interview, Amandine explores five other myths.
1. The myth of the soul mate
The idea of the soul mate suggests that there is one perfect person for each of us, predestined to be our ideal partner. This belief may sound romantic, but it can also create unrealistic expectations and prevent us from seeing the unique qualities of our current partner. Amandine explains that strong relationships are built on compatibility, commitment and working together, rather than on an idealized idea of perfection. By accepting that nobody is perfect, we can learn to appreciate our partner for who he or she really is.
2. Love is obvious and fluid
Fairy tales and romantic comedies have often shaped our view of love, making us believe that relationships are always easy and perfect. However, these stories never show the realities of everyday life and the effort required to maintain a healthy relationship. Amandine reminds us that challenges and compromises are an integral part of any relationship. By embracing imperfections and accepting that conflict is inevitable, we can develop more authentic and resilient relationships.
3. Love must be fusional
The idea that a couple should share everything, be one and constantly connected is widespread in movies, novels and popular culture. This myth of fusional love may seem romantic on the surface, but in reality it can become a source of suffering and suffocation in the relationship. Amandine warns us against this belief. Although connection and complicity are essential in a couple, the absence of individual limits can lead to imbalances. Wanting to be in step with your partner at all times can lead to a loss of identity, emotional dependence and even tensions linked to a lack of personal space.
4. True love lasts forever
Another common myth assumes that true love, once found, requires no effort. This view is not only misleading, it can also lead to disappointment. Relationships require constant work, compromise and open communication. Amandine stresses the importance of mutual commitment in overcoming challenges and growing together. She reminds us that true love is a daily choice, and that each partner must invest time and effort to keep the relationship fulfilling.
5. I'm the one who's going to change him/her
The idea that we can or must change our partner is a particularly dangerous myth. Trying to change the other person can damage the relationship and prevent everyone from feeling accepted for who they are. True love means accepting the other person with all their strengths and weaknesses.
Amandine cites the example of a woman in a relationship with an emotionally distant partner. At the start of the relationship, she sees his lack of investment as a challenge to be met: she convinces herself that with enough love, patience and effort, he will eventually open up and change. She justifies his emotional absences by telling herself that he has experienced wounds in his past and simply needs time to fully commit. But over time, this dynamic becomes exhausting. The harder she tries to be understanding and prove her love, the more frustrated and dissatisfied she feels, as her partner doesn't change. Finally, she realizes that her desire to “save” him has trapped her in an unbalanced relationship where she forgets herself.
Amandine uses this example to show that love doesn't have to be a project to transform the other person. Everyone is responsible for their own journey, and entering into a relationship with the hope of transforming someone is often a source of disillusionment and suffering. By focusing on improving ourselves rather than changing the other person, we can build more balanced and satisfying relationships.
Conclusion
Myths about love and relationships are deeply rooted in our culture and collective consciousness. However, by recognizing and deconstructing them, we can adopt a more realistic and balanced vision of love. Amandine's teachings remind us that relationships require work, understanding and acceptance. By embracing these truths, we can build more authentic and fulfilling relationships.
📖 Read Part 1 of the interview to learn about the other 5 myths: 5 misconceptions about love that prevent us from having a fulfilling relationship.
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(Ma qualité de vie means My quality of life in French.)
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Interesting post! I appreciate her insight. I do think that "true love lasts forever" is as true as the disclaimer. It can be lasting and real, with the emotional upkeep and work that comes along with it. I think very few people have fallen in love effortlessly, so it makes sense to me that the same level of effort should continue as well.
Thanks for sharing!
www.sunshinewithsavannah.com
I've always struggled with the feeling of love because of my boarder line personality disorder. I don't know what love feels like to receive so I don't know what love feels like to feel. I know I can feel list, that bodily drive all animals have to procreate, but beyond that, nothing. One thing I was painfully aware of was that love doesn't last forever, and why would it? Our other emotions will barely last an hour or two. The idea of a soul make seems like it'll trap people in harmful relationships as well. Interesting topic